It's A Rough And Tumble World In Liverpool And Houston

Everyone look out! Everton's back and they're pissed...

No, I mean it, they make the Champions League last year and now they've got the attitude that they're going to f*c* you up...





Cue the Quentin Tarantino music 'cause it's going to be a bumpy ride for opponents with Everton's new kit and new demeanor. Where are the motorcycles? Don't you know they requested motorcycles.

Ahem! On a related note, Fulham's new kits were unveiled today.

I wanted to see a photo shoot involving a boxing match in full kit or something! There's no way Fulham should have let themselves be out toughed by Everton.

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And finally on the topic of rough, it's nearly official that San Jose will next year be Houston (Houston is consistently one of America's most dangerous cities if you don't get the reference).

What has me even angrier than the fact that Club America is flashing cash and uprooting a team (MLS is definitely shooting themselves in the foot for future bay area fans) is that fact that they'll be playing in the Astrodome - the ugliest stadium on Earth.

Frankly I wish they had just tore the thing down since it's an eyesore both inside and out. And I'm just dying to know what the turf is going to be like. If it's anything like the field was for the Astros when they inhabited the stadium the whole thing is a joke.

On a happier note, perhaps this breathes new life into a future expansion bid for Detroit. I mean, if Club America America (or what they want to call it) can play in the Astrodome, the abandoned Detroit Lions' home that is now a flea market and drive-in theater could temporarily serve Chicago's future derby partners. :)

At least they have a history of hosting footcer.

Pity Does Not A Hatred Make

My occasional accidental psychic powers are nothing compared to the editor of the All-American XI on bigsoccer.com (thanks to Joe at We Call It Soccer for the heads up on a great column over there this week).

The column is on how every group of fans in the league should learn to hate Los Angeles and MetroStars (much like in the NBA where everyone hates the Knicks and the Lakers - and in this scenario Chivas USA gets to play the role of the Clippers of the analogy which is actually quite fitting) for the good of the league.

Actually the columnist claims that the Galaxy are already the second most hated team in the league due to, as he describes it:

"So no other team inspires hatred like the Galaxy. Kevin Hartman, Cobi Jones, Jovan Kirovski, Chris Albright, Steve Sampson and now the one and only Landon Donovan – it is quite a collection."

Now he's got a point on some of the players. No one likes Kirovski for example. But I think people feel more sorry for Steve Sampson than anything. France 1998 came apart for a ton of reasons that were out of everyone's control.

And who has anything against Cobi Jones? About the only thing I'm personally angry at Cobi Jones about is that I've seen that darn Adidas commercial with an out of shape, old man Cobi dancing around in his underwear so many times.

But again, I just feel sorry for Cobi about that one, not angry. :)

Back to the psychic ability. He stated that any team could be instantly made more hateable by picking up Ryan Suarez off waivers. And who should do it? The team that it has been said it's in the leagues best interest to make a powerhouse - MetroStars.

It's as if new General Manager Alexi Lalas reads Big Soccer and said to himself, "yeah, I can get the rest of the league to hate us if I pick up Suarez. It will be beautiful...muhhahahahahah."

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Realistically, the only team that hates the Galaxy with the vehemence assigned to the rest of the league is San Jose (is it just me or are the fans there really trying to make a statement to keep footcer in Silicon Valley?).

And with tonight's win over Colorado in the 88th minute, they find themselves in an interesting position - tied with their cross state rivals in fourth place in the league at 24 pts (and and also tied for the second playoff spot in the Western Conference since we're not living in my dream world - yet). And with the tie breaker of goal differential, they're actually ahead of Angelpool.

Puts a crimp in the Angelpool/Chicagton rivalry temporarily to have Middlejose (or Boljose?) meddling but that's besides the point.

The funny thing is that Kansas City, who had an identical record to San Jose going into tonight tied. Had San Jose matched with the 0-0 tie they had until late in the match, both teams would have been 5-3-7.

Now if you're looking for a nice rivalry, there you go. But it would take a single table to do it!

Gambling On The Champions League Just Got A Little Easier

Have I ever mentioned that the Welsh FA is the silliest governing body ever? Perhaps I did last entry but I think this decision takes the cake. As I mentioned, UEFA won't let TNS play at their home grounds because they're small and unsafe. So to appease the governing body, the team has now agreed to play at a racecourse in Wrexham.

Alright, it's not really a race course. It's Wrexham's home grounds named after a race course. But the setup could be ideal for an upset perhaps. You could call TNS a darkhorse entry, etc., etc.

And it's not like Wrexham is going to be using it to its full potential next year anyway. It's a gamble that the club even still exists with its debt load.

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A couple of entries ago, I joked that the newly formed FC United would be manned completely with disgruntled Manchester United supporters. It's amazing how sometimes my little plays on the truth turn out to be accurate. Truly scary stuff! :)

And in the can't make this up department, one of their first friendlies is going to be against AFC Wimbledon.

Will those players make it through a friendly without breaking away from their own team and joining the other?

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Finally in this installment of "As The Toon Turns," Newcastle United has told Laurent Robert not to let the door hit his arse on the way out by fining him two weeks wages for insulting Graeme Souness in his rounds of exit interviews with the press.

But, come on, who among us hasn't wanted to insult their former boss on the way out of a company? All he was doing was putting it in print for the world to see. ;)

The Fix Can't Possible Be Pro-Violence

While I'm not going to go as far as to call the fix in Liverpool's first round Champions League draw against Welsh side TNS, I am going to call it irony of the highest order. And not the Alanis Morisette kind of "that just sucks" but true irony.

The reason for this is that the drama that was the Liverpool decision could have been settled with a home-and-home series with TNS.

The side offered to play Liverpool in a play-in qualifier knowing the cash it would influx to the team. But the Welsh FA turned down the request at the end of May. And now they've got it anyway.

I can just picture the conversation that took place.

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TNS: "But you know our leagues not very good, we're from a city so small that we're named after our sponsor because no one could find us on a map."

Welsh FA: "But we could get a win against a team from Kazakhstan because Total Network Solutions could buy that entire country. Don't you want one solitary set of wins in this tournament."

TNS: "Because flying to Kazakhstan and playing in a half empty stadium sounds like so much fun? Why should we have to do that? We'll probably lose anyway. Our league sucks!"

Welsh FA: "We're the FA and that's why."

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With this series seemingly decided before it even kicks off (predicted aggregate: Liverpool 7, TNS 1), I'm far more excited, and yet somewhat worried, about a more important, much more evenly matched 1st round draw - Glentoran of the Northern Ireland Premiership versus Shelbourne of the Eircom League (in the Republic of Ireland).

This match, if anything, should prove that the fix is not on since what FIFA official in their right mind would send a team from Dublin to Belfast on July 12 or 13?

Belfast is in the midst of its summer marching season while this match is taking place! The summer marching season is a time where the different religious factions in Northern Ireland parade in Derry and Belfast basically trying to stir up trouble with the other side.

UEFA regulations require that this team from the Republic must stay in Belfast while the Protestants are marching against the Catholics. UEFA of course tries to ignore the political implications of the whole thing and couldn't pull Shelbourne out of the pool of possible opponents of Glentoran but they definitely wouldn't be trying to create trouble.

The increased security and potential for violence means that unfortunately the entire match is going to be overshadowed.

Still it should be a very interesting draw and if Shelbourne wins, it will go a long way to showing that the Eircom League and the Northern Irish Premiership should not be two separate leagues to begin with (there are already teams from Northern Ireland in the Eircom League) - politics aside.

Everything Settles Back To Normal

Nice to see everything returning to normal in the world after a crazy weekend. In yesterday's midweek games, Burnsenal and the Chelsealution got their offensive acts together again (albeit against crappy teams) and are still battling each other out for the dream table title. And, shockingly, Real Salt Lake scored a goal (without Clint Mathis no less) breaking a streak that was challenging MLS records (their last goal was May 18).

1. FC Dallas (a.k.a. Burnsenal) [9-2-3] 30 pts. GD: +12
2. New England Revolution (a.k.a. The Chelealution) [8-1-4] 28 pts. GD: +13
3. Los Angeles Galaxy (a.k.a. Angelpool) [7-4-3] 24 pts. GD: +5
4. Chicago Fire (a.k.a. Chicagton) [7-6-2] 23 pts. GD: +2
5. MetroStars [5-3-5] 20 pts. GD: +7
6. DC United (a.k.a. United United) [5-4-4] 19 pts. GD: +3
7t. San Jose Earthquakes [4-3-6] 18 pts. GD: +3
7t. Kansas City Wizards [4-3-6] 18 pts. GD: +3
9. Colorado Rapids [4-8-2] 14 pts. GD: -3
10. Columbus Crew [4-8-1] 13 pts. GD: -12
11. Real Salt Lake [3-8-3] 12 pts. GD: -13
12. Chivas USA [1-11-3] 6 pts. GD: -20

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Another normal thing is that Eddie Lewis is changing teams again in the Colaship to again pursue that elusive Premiership promotion for himself (and of course his team). This time it's Leeds United. I guess he figured that if Preston North End wasn't going to make the jump last year with everything going right at the end of the season they never were.

I'm not sure how I feel about this because Preston North End really hasn't done anything to show they won't challenge for promotion again (like fire sale their players who really clicked at the end of last season). Leeds United meanwhile have signed a few players but really haven't made that huge move that will show they're going to rise from mid-table.

My theory on the whole thing is that Leeds United, who drew the largest crowds in the whole Coca Cola Championship last year are larger in both payroll and publicity (playing for Leeds is one of the few places where players won't get lost in the "second division").

So, I'm guessing Eddie Lewis has admitted to the fact that he'll never start in the Premiership so now he's willing to settle for Premiership crowds in a Premiership size stadium with something slightly less than a Premiership bench player's payroll.

The saga continues.

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Finally, normality in England is brought back as the EPL fixtures for 2005/6 were announced early this morning United States time (anywhere from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m.).

The thing that stands out about the first week is that Chelsea opens away against Wigan. This is great for the little team in the northwest because they will get acquainted with two things really quick - a huge away crowd (well as big as their stadium will hold) and a huge loss.

On a personal note, I'd like to thank the EPL for scheduling one of this year's Fulham/Manchester City matches in Manchester on the day after my birthday (the other being November 5 in London). This isn't normal to have such a great birthday present.

Anything That Pisses Off Ollie Kahn Is Fine By Me

Oh sweet dream, how quickly you flit away!

And how quickly Chad Barrett could follow the dreams flitting away to a spot in the Eredevisie.

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And, now back to happy. :)

I try to stay out of the technical aspects of the game since I'm not very good at either the skills themselves or covering them, but I find one thing pretty funny about the new experimental offsides rules being tried out at the Confederations Cup - the reaction to them by various footcer goalies and coaches.

The rule now states that an attacking player beyond the last defender is only offsides if they are involved in the play. So, now the goalie must do the mental math and calculate which potential individuals are allowed to be passed to, I guess.

Like I said, I'm not very good at the whole x's and o's aspect of the game.

Or in the words of Winona Ryder in "Reality Bites": "I don't know how to define offsides, but I know it when I see it."

I like the rule change because it's really silly for a breakaway one v. one with the goalie to be called offsides because a wing player is too far afield. It's one of those things that makes the game less understandable to casual fans who are just trying to get into the game.

Then again, me trying to explain the rules can be something that makes the game equally hard to understand for casual fans. In fact, I could be offsides right now for all I know. :)

The Irony Would Be If FC United Is Forced To Use Cheap United States Players

By now it's probably common knowledge that Mexico pulled a huge 1-0 upset of Brazil in the Confederations Cup on Saturday. Barring a horrendous loss to Greece (who, thank goodness has already been eliminated from the competition after a 1-0 loss to Japan), they will win the group.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed this pretty obvious scenario. It appears as though Germany realizes it too. In their match against Argentina tomorrow, coach Jurgen Klinsmann has chosen to start their third string goalie, Stuttgart's Timo Hildebrand.

Can you say fix?

Should Germany lose to Argentina, they'll manage to avoid Brazil in the semifinals. But, of course the match is still a little while away so who knows what kind of countermove Argentina will make to also be the one who tries to come in second and draw Mexico. ;)

Could be a sloppy beautiful 6-5 victory for someone featuring no less than six own goals.

Of course Brazil is also playing an "much changed" (read second string) lineup for match three so the whole imaginary plan could backfire as Japan advances.

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Speaking of self-sabotage, FC United is a go!

This is the breakaway footcer team that disgruntled Manchester United fans threatened to start (and 3,000 have given donations to forming). And, now this "dream" is a reality as the team (which thusfar has no players to the best of my knowledge) has been accepted to participate in the Moore & Co Construction Solicitors North West Counties League.

Now, when it gets into non-league structure in England, I claim absolutely no knowledge. But based on the number of clauses before the very name of the league, I'd have to think it's pretty low on the totem pole of the giant pyramid that is the English FA's domain (how's that for some mixed metaphors).

By my rough calculations, should this team win every league it's promoted to, in approximately 17 years it could be competing with the real Manchester United in the Premiership again.

That is if the former Manchester United supporter got enough exercise marching on picket lines to actually be fit enough to play for the team to get it started. :)

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Finally, congratulations again to the "Baby Yanks" who won their group in the U-20 World Cup and now face Italy in the round of 16. This match is tomorrow at 10:30 a.m. United States central time on Fox Soccer Channel.

It may actually be more entertaining than the Argentina/Germany Confederations Cup match that follows!

The Latest On The Top Rated Northeast England Based Soap Opera

Welcome back to the latest (or, well, I guess it's the first) episode of "As The Toon Turns." In this installment we find out if one of the two villians from Newcastle United's roster of 2004/5 is going to pursue interest in another series. I'm wondering if the whole thing ends with Lee Bowyer's character being killed off.

Not that Lee Bowyer had much character to begin with. :)

Bowyer, a midfielder, is really famous for only three incidents, and while two of the three happened on the footcer pitch, none of them were for great goals or something vaguely useful.

One that happened out in society was possibly the worst when he and a teammate were involved in a scuffle outside a Leeds nightclub which may or may not have been racially motivated. But, either way, his reputation for being a racist have begun to stick with him.

Newcastle United picked him up before the start of the last Premiership season and his "winning ways" just continued when on April 2 of this year, he got into an on-field fight with teammate Kieron Dyer. And this wasn't a really shove, "get your head in the match" kind of scuffle, this was a boxing match.





Both players ended up red carded and Bowyer because he started the fight was actually charged by Northumbria police for his participation (he's currently awaiting trial).

Newcastle, already suffering through the headache of Craig Bellamy have decided it might possibly be better to shop Bowyer around.

Only a couple of teams showed interest (obviously not keen on the police interviews awaiting them in their future), Birmingham City and Charlton Athletic. Charlton being a London team must know bringing Bowyer to the city is a disaster waiting to happen so mainly Birmingham is the only one really serious.

Well, I should that the front office for Birmingham is serious because the fans don't quite want him there as muchstarting an online petition.

A counter-petition was started of fans wanting to bring Bowyer to Birmingham (and actually received five times more signatures).

I wonder how many people signing this one are in Newcaster and/or people who want to see the midlanders fail on a grand scale? :)

Either way it appears that Birmingham City is still trying to sign Bowyer despite what any set of fans say.

Co-owner of the team David Sullivan had the following to say about the whole mess:

"I accept that people are entitled to their opinions and it's lovely to see democracy, but sometimes the best intentions in the world can hurt the club."

What I wonder in the end is what is up with the English fans this spring and summer? The next thing you know, Birmingham City supporters will be standing outside wherever it is they play (did I mention that Birmingham City isn't exactly one of the glamour clubs in the EPL?) - St. Andrew's actually - with signs saying "not for buy!" and pictures of Lee Bowyer?

The whole mess couldn't happen to a nicer guy. ;)

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Today is the biggest match of the Confederations Cup for CONCACAF types who deal with CONMEBOL types on a regular basis. Mexico plays Brazil live at 1:30 p.m. United States central time on Fox Soccer Channel.

While I entirely expect Mexico to get slaughtered (the last time the two met at the Copa America last summer, the South Americans won 4-0 in the tournament quarterfinals) a win would be huge for CONCACAF. So, go El Tri!

I'd Like To Beat Garber Under (Or Over) The Table

Warning! This entry is not going to be funny - at all! I'm flat out pissed right now so rant mode is activated!

While I think MLS does an amazing number of things right, sometimes I just want to tell the commissioner, Don Garber, where he can stick his footcer balls - in a huge vice.

There was a great interview in the Dallas-Fort Worth Star-Telegram today where he is forced by a reporter to talk about my favorite MLS subject, the single table!

In the answer to Tobias Xavier Lopez's question, "Will new league configurations involve [after expansion] involve a single division?"

According to Garber:

"The single table (no playoffs, teams with the most points is the champion) to me is not an issue of respecting the integrity of the international game, it's a structural representation of what exists in Europe and other parts of the world where they can relegate [drop teams to a lower division] and promote teams. We're not going to be in that position in any time I can see, so why would we need a single table? There's travel issues, there's regional issues, there's broadcast issues. Other than the fact that you've got a very small amount of people who would think it's cool, we haven't seen the value to it."

Now, the single table and promotion and relegation are two different animals completely! The point of a single table is to decide a regular season champion - that is indisputable - but there's no saying that playoffs can't occur to decide a post-season champion as well.

If anything, one table makes the playoffs a better idea. Right now, the conferences are functioning as two separate entities like basketball where the four qualifiers in each conference play 1 v. 4 and 2 v. 3 with the winners meeting in the conference championship. But since there are only six teams in each conference, only two teams don't make it.

What's the point of the regular season?

But, right now this is the only way since the leagues are really imbalanced. E1 v. W4 is unfair compared to W1 v. E4 (much tougher) due to expansion.

One table, no issues. The eighth team is the eighth best team (at least by record). But hopefully it will be shown that eight teams is far too many playoff spots. Still the bottom four spots that get left out are the worst performing teams even with eight.

Secondly, one table actually makes the regular season champion mean something. There's no, "hey that team doesn't deserve the Supporter's Shield, they played in the West." If you went one table, the league could even pick up this unofficial title for real. Then you'd have a real treble if it happened.

I can see the issue though. With 12 teams, unless you wanted to play 44 matches (which is just a silly amount) there's no way to make it so the teams played each other equal times. Now, once the league is 16 teams, it's 30 matches which, with playoffs, mean the teams play as many games as anywhere else in the world, not much more, not much less.

Even with 15 teams, 28 games would be a fair amount. I swear if when the 15th team comes into the league (which is looking like about 2009) if they switch to three divisions of five, I am abandoning MLS forever.

I mean it.

What world is Garber living in when he talks about travel costs though. It is no cheaper for the Fire to fly to Kansas City twice than it would be to fly to Dallas once and Kansas City once. And that one time that Kansas City came to town would even be something special for the fans to see. Maybe some die-hards would even come up from Kansas City if they only got one chance a season.

Relegation? Nowhere in the equation!

More International Club Fun Minus The Mud Fights

I normally try to avoid discussing women's footcer on here since unlike the men's game, it gets a lot of coverage in the United States. But, this little story is too good to pass up...

UEFA President Lennart Johansson is a pervert!

Perhaps that's not news, but he's really gone and done it this time.

In a BBC interview early this morning United States time, he made the following statement:

"There are so many companies who could make use of the fact that if you see a girl playing on the ground, sweaty, with the rainy weather and coming out of the dressing-room, lovely looking, that would sell."

I think this has been tried before here in the United States. It was called the lingerie bowl. But, no one really considered that sport. Well, at least no one would admit to considering it sport in mixed company. :)

About the only thing missing from his statement was "and perhaps we should cover the pitch in jello."

Oh now my mind has gone elsewhere...

At least he's too old to ever get brought over to this side of the Atlantic to take up promotion of the men's game in America. The last thing I want to see is men's footcer players in fishnet shirts and chaps or something.

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On a totally unrelated note, there are yet more EPL teams coming to the United States this summer. West Bromwich Albion (common name: West Brom) will be playing matches in Los Angeles against Galaxy and Chivas at the end of next month.

So I guess we'll finally all be able to answer the question, "could a top MLS team beat a relegation team in the Premiership?"

Not that I'm saying West Brom's future stay in the Premiership will be short or anything.

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At least West Ham isn't trying to delude their fans into thinking their Premiership stay will be long.

West Ham's web site has the greatest marketing slogan ever:

"Follow our FA Premiership campaign as it happens."

The team marketing department seemingly didn't pluralise it to get the east Londoners' fans hopes up. I wonder if someone like West Brom will try to one-up them and say, "Follow our last FA Premiership campaign as it happens."

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Finally, there's an interesting tournament scheduled in Bankok for about the same time. In the Premier League Asia Trophy, Bolton, Everton, and Manchester City, along the the Thailand MNT will be having a single elimination playoff.

I think it's brilliant for all involved since Bolton, Everton, and Manchester City will probably all be battling each other for UEFA Cup spots all season. Why not start the rivalry early?

Math Doesn't Apply To Footcer

One of the most intriguing matchups of the World Youth Championship kicks off shortly. Spain play Honduras in the second to last match of Group C action. This pool has been interesting to say the least, mostly due to Honduras.

In the first match, Honduras got run off the pitch by Chile 7-0. The CONMEBOL crowd had a nice field day with this, some of them going as far as saying the loss proves CONCACAF doesn't deserve 3.5 World Cup spots.

Three days later, Spain crushed Chile by the same scoreline.

Now comes the fun game of everybody on footcer boards trying to predict a score. I can't believe how many people are saying 14-0. :) In footcer, algebraic rules simply don't apply.

UNWRITTEN FOOTCER RULE #1: If team b beats team a by x and team c beats team b by y, team a will not lose to team c by x+y. In fact, the result will nearly always be 1-0.

So I'm putting my money down on that unwritten rule and saying Spain 1, Honduras 0. Of course if it's wrong, I'll have to go back to the unwritten footcer rule drawing board. ;)

Yes, Thank You, I Would Love Some Tacos

Just a few changes around here. I added some of the blogs that added mine recently (and even some that didn't) over in the links section (and I used one of the few html tags I know to even make it look kind of pretty).

It's like Major League Friendship over here. :)

Yes, I have been having some issues as of late with my credentials as a Fire fan. Being accused of trying to cajole Section 8 into being boosters of the league as a whole isn't sitting well with me. So, it's looking like for all the other Section 8ers who want to track me down and beat the piss out of me will have to look for me in Section 120 on Saturday. :p

And this next line won't help...

FC Dallas is doing so many things right recently it's not even a contest as to which of the two rivals would survive were MLS teams to be set free on their lonesome.

While the Fire recently fired their Senior Manager of Corporate Sponsorship, FC Dallas just signed a 20 million dollar, 30 year deal with Pizza Hut.

Now, the downside is that Pizza Hut will control the concessions at FC Dallas' stadium for the duration of the deal. But if you've ever had the pizza at Soldier Field, I could live with that.

Connie's in the restaurant - AWESOME! Connie's at Soldier Field - well it might as well be New York style pizza (also known politely as "garbage"). ;)

So the joke that of course went along with this is "the next thing you know, we'll see Taco Bell Field at Bridgeview."

And, well that's the last thing we need. FC Dallas and the Chicago Fire have enough bad blood without both being sponsored by Yum! Brands, Inc. companies. Though it would then start to make sense why they have a derby.

I think you could rename the Brimstone Cup, the Big Bowl of Yum!

It worked much better when both Taco Bell and Pizza Hut were still owned by Pepsico because then the two matches could have been the Cup Of Pepsi.

One other thing FC Dallas is doing right (or at least their fans) is that on the fan site at Match Night, 3rd Degree, they list the MLS table as it should look.

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Can I just say that DC United really ruined my day by keeping the Fire second from the top yesterday, regardless if they would have had three games in hand or not. I mean, what was the point in beating Burnsenal if we turn around and drop a match to United United.

I have renicknamed the Chicago Fire - Chicagton. This is for the fact that we'll probably finish fourth in the table with a negative goal differential (like Everton did in the EPL in 2004/5). Since it looks more and more every day like we'll be battling the Galaxy for the 3rd spot, I've renicknamed them Angelpool.

Here are the current one-table dream standings:

1. New England Revolution (a.k.a. The Chelsealution) [7-0-4] 25 pts. GD: +13
2. FC Dallas (a.k.a. Burnsenal) [7-2-3] 24 pts. GD: +10
3. Los Angeles Galaxy (a.k.a. Angelpool) [7-3-2] 23 pts. GD: +6
4. Chicago Fire (a.k.a. Chicagton) [7-6-1] 22 pts. GD: +2
5. MetroStars [4-3-5] 17 pts. GD: +6
6. Kansas City Wizards [4-3-5] 17 pts. GD: +3
7. D.C. United (a.k.a. United United) [4-4-4] 16 pts. GD: +1
8. San Jose Earthquakes [3-3-6] 15 pts. GD: +0
9. Columbus Crew [4-6-1] 13 pts. GD: -5
10. Colorado Rapids [3-8-2] 11 pts. GD: -5
11. Real Salt Lake [3-7-2] 11 pts. GD: -10
12. Chivas USA [1-9-3] 6 pts. GD: -17

That Special Relationship Comes Through Again

It's that time of month again - the new FIFA rankings!

What I always enjoy about "headless chicken" day is the fact that, even though some people say they're worthless, the same people just love to obsess over every little slight they feel. For example, I was watching Sky Sports News yesterday and one of their little banners down at the bottom was: "Mexico leaps over England in latest FIFA rankings."

Covering it diplomatically was one thing but of course on bigsoccer.com, the world ended. Open season began on Mexico bashing.

Because everyone knows that the current England side is the greatest footcer national team ever put together in history. Anyone who doubts that is just crazy! How on Earth could Mexico, or anyone really, be ranked ahead of them? :)

I actually got my second red card on bigsoccer.com (right after getting my second reputation award passing 100 positive reputation) for daring to say that the Czech Republic deserves to be ahead of England for dominating European competition since 2003.

But, there was one surprise in the new FIFA rankings - Chelsea debuts at #12.

Just kidding about that last one, but this is real.

Chelsea will be playing DC United on July 28 outside Washington D.C.

AC Milan will also be on the tour, so don't attempt to get anything done in Ukrainian Village if you live in Chicago in late July. Especially on the day AC Milan is scheduled to play the Fire.

But, I'm far more excited about the Chelsea/D.C. United match. This marks the first time that the defending MLS Champion has ever played the defending EPL Champion. Certainly D.C. United is going to get crushed unless Chelsea brings their reserve team, but this is a turning point anyway.

Hopefully the game goes well and a Cup is created for the winner. I would love to see the EPL/MLS Cup (which I tried to come up with a funny name for but couldn't) each year as a gauge of the progress that MLS is making in relation to the current best league in the world.

Maybe eventually it will even come back to Chicago.

The Galaxy Of Possibilities With Drew Carey Are Endless

A few entries ago, I poked fun at the comedian who bought a team in China. Well, it has come to my recollection that we have our very own American comedian who is a huge footcer fan - Drew Carey - who I wish would buy a team.

He's so into the game that he begged the United States Soccer Federation to let him be a sideline photographer at the United States Men's National Team matches. And, of course, since US Soccer is in no position to turn down a huge star who's a huge fan (that's not a weight joke, I swear) he got his way.

There is an interview on the subject at SI.com.

Unfortunately he's an L.A. Galaxy fan (with an apparent funny bone about Chivas USA so I guess we have that in common). If he would really put his money behind a bid by Cleveland for an expansion MLS team, offering to be part of an ownership group, he might assure the Crew a derby! The current ownership group doesn't seem to be making much leeway.

Maybe he has, but I haven't heard anything about it. Not like the media would report anything on it if he was involved in the Cleveland group and there hasn't been anything on the Cleveland? board on bigsoccer.com about it.

If Cleveland supporters don't try to at least enlist Carey than they justify the nickname of "the mistake by the lake." Sorry, I'm originally from the Detroit area, I couldn't resist. :)

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Speaking of Chivas (both USA and in their home country), Mexico opens up play in the Confederations Cup tomorrow representing CONCACAF. They're in a group with Japan, Greece, and Brazil playing Japan first.

But the really important match is Greece. If Mexico wins (and there's really not a ton of reasons they shouldn't), it will just feel good to say, "ha UEFA, CONCACAF beat your champions!"

Of course if they lose, I'm sure CONCACAF defenders will never hear the end of it so...

VIVA MEXICO!

For one day at least. ;)

At Least There Hasn't Been A Kicking Related Death

Just when you thought it was safe to rome the streets of the world again, since Wayne Rooney has been surprisingly quiet, Robin Van Persie gets arrested.

Now his charge wasn't funny and neither is the fact that Pele's son (and former footcer star himself), Edson Cholbi Nascimento, was arrested for "criminal association with drug traffickers."

However, had this happened a few months ago, I could have joked that he was only trying to score diet pills for Diego Maradona. But he went and lost a lot of weight so that jest is ruined.

People sometimes complain the off-season for European footcer is too short. But I say keep these guys playing and training. I mean, it's not safe to leave your houses when footcer players are on the loose! :)

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A pleasant reminder. The "baby Yanks" (who as far as I know haven't been convicted of any crimes while in Holland) take on Germany at the World Youth Championships - 1:30 p.m. United States central time today on Fox Soccer Channel.

Competition In The Footcer Blogosphere

Jeremy St. Louis has started a blog!

For those who don't know, JSL is the main commentator for the Fox Sports World report on Fox Soccer Channel. He's also Norm McDonald's evil twin. :)





He's got a wicked sense of humor and an even wickeder Canadian accent. Hearing him makes me think of things like polar bears and tuques. I highly recommend it if he can keep it up better than most celebrities keep up theirs. Of course he's really only a celebrity in our little insular footcer world.

Perhaps This Should Be Called The Miracle On Turf

Was today's goal by the Chicago Fire's Chad Barrett playing in U-20 national team colors the second shot heard round the footcer world?

Or better yet, perhaps a "Miracle On Turf" since our college boys (plus Adu, Gaven, and a couple other young pros) upset Argentina who's youth footcer player pepper full club rosters all over the world.

In a result that still seems to have the rest of the world in shock (as judging by the lack of news stories on it yet), the "baby Yanks" pulled off what could be considered one of the major upsets in world footcer this year. The Argentinians, filled with stars and future stars of their domestic league, came out seemingly underprepared for the United States youth.

By the time they had got their bearings, the "baby Yanks" had outplayed them for most of the first half and after scoring a goal late in the first half, the United States U-20 team held off a furious Argentinian attack (led by Lionel Messi of FC Barcelona once he came on in the second half).

Defender Marvell Wynne of UCLA (though not for long if European sides start to take notice) was the hero of the match and the big man (who, by the way looks about 30) whose major claim to fame until this morning was being the son of a major league baseball player will soon be a name on a lot of footcer fan's lips.

End result: United States U-20s 1, Argentina U-20s 0

The bad news was Eddie Gaven was non-existant and Freddy Adu was shut down except for brillint moves along the endline (and don't get me started on our French based goalie). But, the unlikely hero and underheralded Fire sometimes starter put the header in when it counted.

Now a win over either Germany or, more likely, Egypt, will put the United States through to the knockout rounds in the "baby World Cup"!

My only question is: why's it always got to be the Fire players who perform so well? Haven't we lost enough players to Europe already? ;)

That Sound Liverpool Fans Are Making Is Not Rock And Roll

After today's announcement it seems like Liverpool has used up all the political capital that it built up giving the world The Beatles.

While much of the English speaking world thinks it's either great, good, or indifferent that Liverpool got given a spot in the Champions League's first round, not everyone is so happy. Especially those people I've come in contact with from the minnow nations.

One person I ran into over on bigsoccer.com who's a Shelbourne (of the Eircom League in Ireland and Northern Ireland) supporter was just plain pissed off. His complaint was that Shelbourne would gain much more exposure playing another minnow for the first two rounds and making the third.

Not to be too blunt about it, but I think he took the Guinness Tour a few times before he posted.

Whatever side draws Liverpool in the first and second rounds, despite the fact that they're probably going to get humiliated, is going to get more exposure than they ever could playing domestically. Except, that is, for an Irish or Northern Irish side who, well, can't get much more exposed to Liverpool.

And if they hold it close, they'll be forever remembered by every other minnow and minnow fan in the world as legends.

But, more in the real world, they are going to reap huge revenues because of control of the TV rights for their home leg of the two legged series. Every national sports network in Europe is going to be knocking on the door of the club team in Kazakhstan or Belarus or whomever they draw.

Though I can't blame the minnow fans for being a little upset. The whole point of the Champions League is living the dream. Of course, for every team in all but eight leagues (the big four, Holland, France, Portugal, and on rare years Scotland) the dream usually turns into a nightmare long before the pool play.

I'm actually a little more upset with the Liverpool fans I've come in contact with. It's just not enough for them to get let in (which by rule they shouldn't have been). They're pissed off because they didn't draw straight into the group stage.

I've said to a couple of them, "look, if you don't think you're going to waltz through the first two rounds and, more importantly, the third when you draw better competition, you probably don't deserve to be there anyway."

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Now I put on my bias hat for City for a second. While I would have loved to see Manchester City get given a spot in the UEFA Cup with Liverpool being bumped up, I hope it doesn't happen.

UEFA told the English FA that they were not going to get an eighth team overall in the two European club tourneys. The FA, smelling blood over landing Liverpool in are now going to lobby on behalf of Manchester City.

Frankly I'd rather City just tell the FA to stop it and then the club working on qualifying for 2005/6 on their own.

The FA's already got a black eye in most of Europe for pushing for Liverpool so why push it. They should save whatever bargaining power they have left for a much more pressing situation.

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Staying in Europe, 10:30 a.m. United States central time tomorrow marks the "Baby Yanks" first match in the 2005 World Youth Championships in Holland against Argentina on Fox Soccer Channel.

Or, as I hope it will be, Eddie Gaven's introduction to every club team in Europe. Who knows, maybe by this time next year, he'll be signing for a team who made the group round of the Champions League.

And maybe it will even be Liverpool. If they don't make the group round I'm not sure we'll ever hear the end of it.

Time Waits For No One In Germany

Perhaps this would have been a more appropriate bit of symbolism when Switzerland co-hosts Euro 2008 with Austria. But, beyond the fine Swiss timing, somehow it strikes me as just about right that Germany chose to mark the one year to go point in the World Cup cycle by unveiling a giant clock in Berlin.





Time does just keep on ticking on in qualifying and it's really running out for some of the pre-qualifying favorites. But, much like a team leading in injury time, others who are on top hope to just hold on for dear life.

If the UEFA qualifying ended today (which of course it wouldn't because, well, due to the silly uneven pools, there are a bunch of teams with games in hand), the qualifiers would look as follows:

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Automatic qualifiers (group leaders): Netherlands, Ukraine, Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Poland, Spain, and Croatia.

Lucky loser qualifiers (2nd place with highest point totals): Czech Republic (21 pts.), Slovakia (17 pts.)

Playoff places (other 2nd place): Turkey, Switzerland, Norway, England, Serbia, Sweden

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The Slovakia lucky loser spot is actually a little bit (okay a lot) of a misnomer since they've played not one but two more matches than England who sit a solitary point behind them.

Yes sir or maam. That's the kind of unofficial misleading coverage you'll get from me or anyone who tries to pick the 2nds at this point. That and giant clocks. :)

Funny News Coming Out Of China

Due to the biggest mistake since I accidentally identified Jose Mourinho as Sven-Goran Eriksson (a nearly impossible mistake since they look nothing alike) in the new American Express commercial, I have another fact correction to make.

Argentina will, in fact, be the third team to qualify for the World Cup if they beat Brazil tonight. Japan clinched the second spot (after host Germany) with their 2-0 victory over North Korea early this morning United States time. But I could still be wrong again as Iran (who are playing right now) and South Korea can also clinch spots out of the AFC today long before Brazil and Argentina kick off.

How could I forget about J?

It is relatively easy to forget about Asia since it's really a battle of four world class teams and four minnows (hence the early qualification) battling for four spots. But at least that gives us North Americans something to fall back on. Whenever someone says, "CONCACAF sucks, blah, blah, blah, what's the point of qualifying...," I just say, "wait! Asia! At least our third spot is relatively up for grabs."

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But, there's always interesting stories coming out of Asia due to the fact that sometimes they just can't get it together footcer-wise. Case in point today is China. The Chinese Super League start had to be postponed this season due to widespread charges of corruption, their main sponsor pulling out, and just general apathy in the country (see, we're not alone in the United States).

The whole thing was just a huge farce, so a footcer news story from China today is not surprising. A comedian has bought one of the teams in the league.

You'd need a sense of humor to get involved in the Chinese Super League I would guess. :)

A lot of hub-bub has been made of Roman Abramovich in recent days with a few hoity-toities of English footcer saying he's ruining the sport there. And, in general, the English are becrying the fact that it's no longer footcer men buying teams, but businessmen.

Well, what would they make of a comedian buying a team?

It's been said over the years that everyone wants to be a comedian. Well, I guess the established comedians have fought back against encroachment on their domain and are now deciding to move into different professions - like owning footcer teams.

Pretty soon the saying is going to change from "everybody wants to be a comedian" to "everybody wants to own a footcer team"!

What's next a carload full of clowns?

No jokes about the ownership of ESPN need to be inserted here. ;)

Just A Lazy Mid-Week Day On The Pitch

Tomorrow's a much slower day in World Cup qualifying than Saturday was. But since it's the last matches (except in Africa) until after the European club seasons start back up again, I figured I'd be remiss not to mention the potential matches of the day in advance:

- Japan "at" North Korea: Due to various political items and rowdy fan issues, North Korea is actually being forced by the AFC and FIFA to play this match at a neutral site - Bankok. Now that's some kind of punishment for a team that plays in one of the last communist dictatorships on Earth! Were I a North Korean player, I'd keep wanting to break the rules to get a trip to a party hot spot paid for by government. To be fair, the world footcer community is making them play behind closed doors in an empty stadium. So at least the away fans won't get to enjoy themselves (though if North Korea lets them out, the whore houses could be full).

- Guatemala at Costa Rica: These are two North American looking for a bounce back after losing to the regional leaders over the weekend. These two are tied for third on goal differential. The winner gets back in the driver's seat for the "central American wild card spot" in CONCACAF. Hint: Trinidad & Tobago, you're not allowed.

- Scotland at Belarus: Ah, the pesky Scots. After winning over the weekend, the entirety of the media in the United Kingdom has practically taken them off of life support. But a loss in Minsk will still mean the shot in the head for the Scottish "run" (if you call one win a run). Even with a win they'll be 5 points behind Italy with four matches to go. But Scotland has one thing going for them. Due to fears of Chernobyl health effects and the fact that the team chef is "isolated from Europe and can't get the ingredients he ordinarily could," Scotland has been allowed to bring their own "food." Anyone who knows Scotland knows why food is in quotation marks.

- Ukraine at Greece: A loss for the "boring game" at home virtually spells an end to automatic qualification. They still will have 5 matches to go but with an 8 point gap and only 15 points (a good 4 behind those currently in the "lucky loser" spots), they'll have to go in through the back door playoff in Europe - unless Turkey overtakes them when qualifying resumes. A win means we may get treated to some wonderful Greek 0-0 matches in Germany. Basically it comes down to if the Ukrainian offense can beat the Greek defense. I forget how that saying goes again. Does a good offense beat a good defense or is it the other way around?

- Ecuador at Colombia: Ecuador is fresh off a win over Argentina. Colombia currently sits in sixth on point behind Uruguay (who tied Peru about two minutes ago). This is one point out of the playoff spot for South America. A win tomorrow and Bolvian upset of Paraguay and they leapfrog all the way into fourth. As I said last time, every match is big in South America.

- Brazil at Argentina: Just a battle of a couple of minnows who have never been able to do anything in footcer. I don't even know why I'm putting this match on my preview. Seriously, yes it's the biggest match in the entire world and yes like every other die-hard footcer fan on Earth, I'll be hoping to even catch fleeting glimpses of the Mount Olympus battle royale. But, it's not like we won't be seeing this matchup in more important places in the near future (like the Confederation Cup, for example) when more is on the line. Both teams have already for all intents and purposes qualified. Yawn! :) The only thing really on the line is if Argentina wins, they clinch a spot in Germany becoming only the second team to do so.

Not The Way To Get Your Favorite Team Noticed

As much as it warms my heart in a way to see a jersey of someone wearing a shirt of a team besides Manchester United or Brazil accompanying a news or sports story here in the United States, I don't think this is the kind of name recognition that Bolton would want (or for that matter the brand recognition that Reebok would want).





This is a picture of one of the suspects in the disappearance of the young woman in Aruba.

Of course, the good part is, that most people in the United States wouldn't recognize this as a Bolton jersey (in fact from the picture here, I'm not even sure it's a Bolton jersey, but on the television full-size pictures I swear it was). Thank goodness for small, underpublicized team favors. :)

The Art Of Throwing Large Objects On The Pitch Takes A Hit

Little old me picked up his first reputation red card today on bigsoccer.com. I'm amazed that I made it this long, since I'm never one to hold my footcer opinions back. But, I guess I crossed the line when I brought up the fact that I hate playoffs in a discussion of Salt Lake City's stupendous job on the World Cup Qualfier.

How it got there is a long story (basically someone was getting down on Real Salt Lake, I said, "don't worry, you're an expansion team," someone responded that the Fire were league champions as an expansion team, and I said, "in my mind, the Fire didn't win the MLS until 2003 when they won the Supporter's Shield...) but the red card read (this is from a moderator, mind you):

"MLS is an American league. Playoffs rule. You drool"

So I guess I don't feel too bad.

Still, it puts me one step above some sort of Italian footcer hooligan (even with my eight green card to cancel it out and keep me reputation positive).

But soon I might be worse.

Yes, the country that gave us the the flaming motorcycle incident has vowed to clean up its act.

For those who don't know the flaming motorcycle story, somehow a group of fans managed to sneak a motorcycle into a Serie A match, lit it on fire and somehow catapaulted it onto the pitch. Sounds like an urban legend by my Italian friend Paola verified it was true. That was before she constantly tells me to stop mentioning it whenever a story about Italian hooliganism comes up.

We'll all have to wait and see if the measures such as numbering all tickets to quickly identify trouble makers and stadium surveilance work. Frankly the Italians have proved to be as creative as they are crazy so the success remains up in the air. Hopefully there won't be any repeats of the Inter Milan disqualification from the Champions League for supporter behavior (after a thrown object injured AC Milan's goalie Dida).

It's fun to make fun of silly fan behavior but there is a certain line where it just crosses into crazy. Anything bigger than a breadbasket being thrown on the pitch, that's scary. :)

Meet The New Chivas USA, Same As The Old Chivas USA

I haven't seen "Revenge Of The Sith" yet, but I think I know how the remaining Jedi felt when Anakin Skywalker crossed over to the dark side. It's truly a depressing day for Fulham supporters around the world as Edwin van der Sar is now the new goalie for Manchester United.

Fulham doesn't have much in the way of truly international talent. They have some starters for countries like Senegal, Canada, and the United States but the one thing they had, at least since 2001, was the starting goaltender for powerhouse Holland. Now that's been taken away.

So much for Malcolm Glazer tightening the purse strings.

The dark side was strong in that one, however. Earlier this season, right before signing a contract extension with Fulham, he stated he would jump to Manchester United if they wanted him.

I just hope, "there is another!"

With this news clouding my footcer judgement today (and making me talk like a Star Wars looney), I'll just return to the happier days of yesterday.

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A lot has been made in MLS circles about "new Chivas." Sort of like New Coke, the small changes haven't been all positive in the two matches. While the 1-1 tie against Kansas City midweek had Chivas USA fans excited (at least I think they were excited, my Spanish isn't great), yesterday's 5-2 loss to the Fire can't exactly have Chivas fans feeling "muy bueno."

Porque Chivas los E.E.U.U. sigue siendo malo.

Thank you Babble Fish. :)

New Chivas USA mentality, same old result. Chivas USA is one of the two teams in MLS with ties to a larger, more established club in another country (in their case a Guadalajara side). But their 1-9-2 record up to this point doesn't show it. However, since they are allowed to raid their parent side, the ownership is threatening to bring in two "Chivas Mexico" players (about all the MLS salary cap will allow them to) by the end of the summer.

However, unless they're the goalie and a couple of defensemen, nothing is going to solve this expansion side's problems that easily.

Their new manager, Hans Westerhof (former coach of some major teams in Holland and Mexico's Chivas), is trying his hardest to get the team that can't shoot straight into a well oiled machine by increasing the intensity of practices.

And it's too early to tell if the new coach will really make a difference. And I do wish Chivas USA the best, unlike many MLS fans who want to see them faulter since to them Chivas USA represent some sort of Mexican invasion.

I don't want to see the Chivas USA experiment faulter since if they're successful it's a bridge to the Mexican community in the United States who, in Chicago at least, has stopped attending matches in the numbers they used to. And a great hope for MLS is Chivas USA being successful and encouraging more European, Mexican, and South American owners to start up teams in MLS.

It's a great deal for the players who get to practice with the full sides in the home country on occasion and it's great for the fans who possibly get to see the stars from other leagues on occasion.

Of course this first test of the exchange agreement is coming under dire straits to be certain, in the future it might catch on. Hopefully better than New Coke did.

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If New England doesn't stop drawing every match, I'm going to need to start calling them Inter Bostan after Inter Milan who didn't lose a single match in their first 20 or so but ended up third in the Italian league because they ended the season with 18 draws and 18 wins).

Other than that, everything went pretty much to form in MLS and the new dream one-table standings look like this:

1. FC Dallas (a.k.a. Burnsenal) [7-1-3] 24 pts. GD: +12
2. New England Revolution (a.k.a. The Chelsealution) [6-0-4] 22 pts. GD: +11
3. Los Angeles Galaxy [6-2-2] 20 pts. GD: +6
4. Chicago Fire [6-5-1] 19 pts. GD: +1
5. Kansas City Wizards [4-2-5] 17 pts. GD: +5
6. New York/New Jersey MetroStars [4-3-4] 16 pts. GD: +6
7. San Jose Earthquakes [3-3-5] 14 pts. GD: 0
8. D.C. United [3-4-3] 12 pts. GD: 0
9. Real Salt Lake [3-6-2] 11 pts. GD: -9
10. Columbus Crew [3-6-1] 10 pts. GD: -10
11. Colorado Rapids [2-7-2] 8 pts. GD: -5
12. Chivas USA [1-9-2] 5 pts. GD: -17

This Gives New Meaning To The Term Walk On

It's well known folk legend (and as far as I know, truth - though I didn't hear it personally) that at the United States/England match at Soldier Field a week ago, the England fans shouted, "are you Scotland in disguise?"

Every time this is brought up on the various message boards, I, being always on the bright side say, "it could be worse, they could have called us Wales or Northern Ireland."

Oh, poor, poor NI (FIFA Ranking: #114). They're never going to make another World Cup until they merge with the Republic of Ireland. It's not unheard of (or politically impossible) since the two administrative areas (on a country and one a "country") already play Rugby together. But the gulf in footcer is so great that Northern Ireland had a truly embarrassing moment occur earlier this week.

Chris Brunt of Sheffield Wednesday was walking his dog by the Northern Ireland training field and got called up to the team when the manager saw him!

To be fair, he is basically playing at the same level as the majority of Northern Ireland's team, the Coca Cola Championship, so he's not just some schmoe off the street. And since Northern Ireland stand 12 points behind 2nd place Poland with four matches to go (thus, all but mathematically eliminated from World Cup competition) it couldn't hurt.

Northern Ireland doesn't play a full match on June 4 (today or tomorrow depending where you're reading this) - they have a friendly against Germany. But there are quite a few intriguing matchups around the world:

- Cape Verde Islands at South Africa: before they come to the United States next month as an out-of-region invite to the CONCACAF Gold Cup, South Africa has a very important match. The Cape Verde Islands sit in second place in African Group 2 only one point behind RSA. Only the top team from each CAF group qualify for the World Cup.

- Mexico at Guatemala: with the United States and Mexico cruising along, the big battle in CONCACAF (as is usually the case) is the third and final automatic qualification slot. Guatemala (missing Carlos Ruiz due to suspension) look to take this away from favorites Costa Rica (who play in Salt Lake City tomorrow against the USMNT). Gaining any home points against El Tri could be crucial down the line. Mexico has proven vulnerable on the road.

- Greece at Turkey: the most hyped match of tomorrow's schedule. More likely to start an actual war than any match in recent history. These two sides don't like each other in anything. Both look to gain ground on Ukraine (who play bottom dwellers Kazakhstan at home in Kiev so it's not likely). But a Greek win keeps them three points behind the Ukrainians for UEFA Group 2 automatic qualification - with a match between the two sides in Greece on Wednesday!

- Romania at Netherlands: every match in UEFA Group 1 is crucial. Netherlands, Czech Republic, Romania, and Finland make up a murderer's row of a group and when they play each other, it's automatically going to be Match-Of-The-Day material. Just like in Group 2, the Czechs have an easy draw at home to Andorra. If Holland is upset by the Romanians (buoyed by the return of star and, um, coke-head, Adrian Mutu) the Dutch suddenly find themselves out of the driver's seat.

- Slovakia at Portugal: battle of the two top teams in UEFA Group 3. Portugal actually leads the group on goal differential 17 to 13. The Portugese have been criticized recently for a run of bad form. But Luis Figo, still technically of Real Madrid until someone else picks up his contract, is returning for the Iberian side, coming out of internation retirement to play in this crucial match.

- Israel at Ireland: no need to rehash this one again...it's WAR!

- Italy at Norway: another group leader, Italy in UEFA Group 5, also recently criticized for not living up to potential meets the team looking to usurp its status. The difference being this one's in Oslo giving Norway a more than fighting chance (though Italy's lead is four points so a Norway win will still have Italy in first, though clinging for dear life).

- Any match in the South American region. The whole thing is just a huge round robin where besides Brazil and Argentina, any other team is fighting for spots with 7 points separating third and last with five to go. Take your pick. :)

Someone please tell me why we're being subjected to Scotland/Moldova as the UEFA match being broadcast in the United States again!

It Could Have Been Worse, They Could Have Been Chivas

Just to show that footcer players and fans are the same at every level, I found this story on the news links on bigsoccer.com. The Colorado Rapids, who I like to refer to as the Expansion Team's Best Friends, played a scrimmage against a local all-star rec side from Westminster, Colorado (made up of the best Hispanic players in the 64-team Sunday league).

The final score, as the Rapids brought their reserves, was 5-0 in favor of the MLS side.

In a refrain heard all over the footcer world on a regular basis, the sponsor of one of the individual teams in the rec league had the following to say:

"I think if we brought our own (complete) teams, then it would have been closer. There's no chemistry."

And if Colorado brought it's complete team, it probably would have been 7-0. But any other MLS side (except for Chivas USA - well old Chivas USA at least, who knows about this "new" Chivas USA we keep hearing about) and it probably would have been 15-0. :)

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I've been following this sport at varying levels of interest for about 15 years now and I don't think there's ever been a side at full strength in any cup, league, or even (maybe especially) exhibition match in the history of footcer.

And the winner of any match will always say, "if we had all our players, we would have won by more, or just disintigrated the other side with a death ray or something."

And the loser of any match will always say, "had we been at full strengh, we would have won, tied, or lost by less."

And if the two sides tie, well, that's calculus I'm just don't have time to compute.

Fate is a fickle footcer mistress, ain't it?

Please Don't Let Me Ever Call Them London Fulham

On a lighter note than the impending war between CONCACAF fans and UEFA fans - cue West Side Story snapping - a positively ingenious smartass came up with the Manchester Buccaneers Blog.

In a way, it's a little embarassing for me since it's a parody of someone from the United States talking about footcer (in particular Manchester United). And, some of the parody and satire is just dead on. Some of my favorite "Yankized" terminology includes:

- First he was involved in a bar brawl in the northern English town of Sweden.
- And now Sir Ferguson is telling him that he will be traded if he doesn't ink a new contract at the Trafford Ballpark franchise.
- I see Ashley Cole and the general manager of London Chelsea...
- I made an error in my last post when I said Manchester should draft Keiron Richardson.
- Maybe a better coach, like Sven Eriksson, would get us above the London Arsenals and into the first alternate spot in the EPL.
- The England soccer side are in the US of A at the moment as they get ready to play Team USA in a country v country super-clash exhibition game at the Bruce Arena in Chicago.
- Because Liverpool come from the north of england, there is a big hatred between them and Manchester who of course come from the south.

Someone please shoot me if I ever say anything like that accidentally. :)

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In somewhat related news, this is also funny going the other direction:

UEFA Can Just Hire Me To Be On Their Rules Committee

This is an uncomfortable position for anyone who supports the United States Men's National Team to be in, but I found myself today defending Costa Rica tooth and nail against a member of the UEFA first, UEFA only crowd.

The Ticos, ranked #21 in the world in the FIFA rankings for May have officially become the new pissing boys on the international boards of BBC's 606 Message Boards.

While it's a welcome change from the usual suspect - that being the United States MNT - it's in some ways worse because it's still a slight on the United States by way of defaming CONCACAF.

Casually scrolling through my favorite forum today (not, of course looking for another round of internet fisticuffs over the United States/England match because I would *never* do that), I came across the following:

"u cannot suggest that the world cup qualifying group in america is on par with the european ones. the USA has it so easssszzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyy. they only need the 3rd place to get to the world cup with such an easy group of teams in the first place. HOW CAN THE TOP 3 GET TO THE WORLD CUP whereas in europe ONLY 1! let me reiterate that ONLY 1 AUTOMATIC PLACE!!!!!

they shud strip the concafa or whatever its called(cos quite simply i dont care) 2 of their 3 places and given to european teams. that is what i call JUSTICE.

european teams such as wales and scotland have to battle so hard just to get into a play off 2nd spot whereas u get the usa strolling in the park into 3rd place or whatever suits them as it will be so easy for them."

The basic argument of the train wreck above is that Europe should get more spots in the World Cup and North America should get less.

It's odd that the most important scoreline in the ensuing discussion today wasn't England 2-United States 1, or even England 3-Colombia 2, it was Norway 1-Costa Rica 0 in Norway on May 24. The same idiot who claimed that CONCACAF should have all of its automatic qualifications taken away but one said: "hungary will probably thrash costa ric 8-0 in a game of FOOTBALL"

It's funny how Norway who only lost to Italy 2-1 in Italy and who beat Slovenia 3-0 barely squeaked by terrible (supposedly) Costa Rica.

CONCACAF is a scapegoat in the whole thing argument about deserving UEFA teams (Scotland is one, Wales is not). Europe's governing body chose to start qualifying late (due mostly to their regional tourney) and have one round instead of multiple ones.

Meanwhile CONCACAF, had knockout rounds to get all the minnows out leaving only the six of the eight best (poor Jamaica and Honduras - who are better than Panama or Trinidad & Tobago - got third in their respective second round group and are gone) to compete in a hexagonal qualifier.

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Europe could have easily said, "look, we're knocking 18 of the 50 of you out before the second group stage. You also-rans of Europe - the Albanias, the Kazakhstans, the Andorran, the Georgians, the Azeris, you're going to need to earn your spot in the last 24."

They could have taken the top 16 teams in Europe by the FIFA rankings, and given them byes. The 16 survivors of the 32 teams in the first knockout series would go on to meet up in a second round of 32. Two games a team in this round.

Instead of 8 brackets of 6 or 7 teams, it would be 8 brackets of four teams (kind of like the World Cup itself). Six matches a team in this round.

The best 24 records (the eight group winners and second places plus the 8 best third places) go on to the finals. Six groups of four. Round robin again. The top two teams from each qualify for the World Cup. Six matches in this round.

That's 12 so who makes up the 13th team to qualify from UEFA. A two-leg tie between the two best third place records. The luckiest lucky loser of all.

Voila! Currently the teams all play between 12 and 14 matches in the uneven eight qualifying groups. In this system they play somewhere between 12 and 18 (and that's only if the luckiest loser comes from that original play-in round).

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And the Europeans can stop using the wind they're wasting on knocking Costa Rica who could most likely beat 30 of the 50 teams in Europe regularly to cheer on their sides in a more fair UEFA qualifying bracket.

Oh, by the way, when I say I found myself rooting for Costa Rica, I don't mean on Saturday when they play the USMNT. I would have to jump out a window. I'd actually rather see Guatemala qualify in third out of CONCACAF. :)