Proving Once And For All I'm Not A Cartoon Dog

For those people who live in Chicago, read the Red Eye, and also actually read the entirety of my footcer related entries in here, let me tell everyone once and for all that I am not Whizzer.

Though I think that Whizzer, who is a cartoon animated dog with a daily column who also makes Red Eye's pro football predictions, reads my mind.

Here's the proof that I am not him. He does much better than me picking the football. Though we do seem to have an unnatural obsession with mascots and making fun of David Beckham whenever possible (even if he's not in the news).

But there is distinct proof that I could be him in today's column as he devotes three items to footcer and in a funny, yet educated manner. Hades, I should ask him to guest write an entry of footcer.

I mean, I really need the street cred!

Anyway the three items that I'm on a similar wavelength to Whizzer on are:

"I'm amped for soccer but I'm already sick of the World Cup hype. Either that or I had some bad sushi."

- O.K. I lied. I'm really still giddy about the World Cup so it's now obvious I'm not Whizzer.

"My money is on the Netherlands as Ruud van Nistelrooy tries to lead the nation's squad back to the finals for the first time since 1978. Plus, I enjoy hollandaise sauce."

- Creepy! Though I don't think Holland is going to win the World Cup, I am going on the record as saying van Nistelrooy is going to win the sacred Golden Boot.

"Once the soccer games start, Cubs fans will have a familiar feeling since they're used to seeing their team get kicked all over the place. But seriously, folks..."

- Mean on a few levels but true. I am not, however, one of the total doomsayers, as Whizzer seems to be, that is predicting the United States to lose to Ghana - a team so desperate for world class players that they tried to steal Freddy Adu from the United States in order to have greater depth. Now had they done this in 2010, it might have made sense, but I'm talking this year.

Let me just also say in conclusion that I am also not Sparky, the Fire's dalmation costume mascot (aka the best mascot on Earth), as there are people, mostly my friend Nicole who can verify that we've been in the same place at the same time (and is down with the team to an extent so probably knows who Sparky actually is).

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I pulled this little gem from Football365.com's Mediawatch:

"It's what we've all been waiting for. Rio Ferdinand, the man who claims that his ideal day involves curling up under a blanket and watching Trisha, has finally been given the chance to present his own TV show. And, oddly enough, it's not a chat show. From The Sun:

'England star Rio Ferdinand has played a series of hilarious 'Gotcha' pranks on his World Cup team-mates for a new TV show.

'The Manchester United ace winds up crocked striker Wayne Rooney - who is told his dog has been KILLED. Roo's fiancée Coleen McLoughlin plays along with the trick - before Rio bursts in to tell him it's a joke.'

Before we go any further with this, we feel we should let you know that Rio apparently 'spent months planning the elaborate stunts'.

To which Mediawatch's first response was 'surely telling someone their dog's dead isn't an elaborate stunt. It's not a trick, a joke or a gotcha either - it's just a lie'.

But then, we would pay good money to see this:

'In another Candid Camera-style prank, fiery full-back Gary Neville's anger boils over when he is confronted by bogus traffic cops. Man Utd team-mate Ryan Giggs joins in on the gag as Gary is collared in the car park underneath his Manchester flat.

'He fiercely protests his innocence, then Rio steps in with a camera crew to a tirade of abuse from his furious club colleague.'

Incidentally, if you're a fan of Rio's work, you'll be pleased to know that he also has a 'film in the pipeline' (we don't know any more than that, but given Rio's past memory lapses we're expecting it to be along the lines of Memento) - and that three TV channels are 'bidding for the rights to a Rap Idol show - featuring Premiership footballers.'

We'd sell our soul to watch The Neviller freestyle.

Rio Ferdinand. The U.K.'s answer to Ashton Kutcher. I think we should all hope the end is near! He really does take asshattery to a new level. Right now Anton Ferdinand is walking to the cliffs of Dover to throw himself off before Rio can do any more damage to the family name. Roy Keane is right behind him but it's going to take a bit longer as he's walking from Scotland. :)

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Finally, just a couple of links that I've been storing up that are footcer related:

http://www.pa-sport.com/en/products/actim.html: The final Actim index for the Premiership and the Colaship. The Colaship one is especially exciting because Bobby Convey is #2 and Marcus Hahnemann was #6. Hopefully this will mean that teams in England's second division will finally see that the way to have a kickass awesome team is to bring over a bunch of Yanks and then have them lead you to the Premiership. :) Or, hey, bring over the Yank's manager after the World Cup. Not that I want to lose Il Bruce but I have a feeling he would make the United States so proud as the coach of Derby or Leicester City or whatnot and leading them to the promised land. Hey Cardiff City's coming over to play some friendlies in August. Wonder if they're going to bring Bruce Arena back with them. :)

http://chicago.fire.mlsnet.com/MLS/chf/fans/offers/2006/banners/: This is probably a dangerous link to post with all the D.C. United and Columbus Crew fans circulating around these parts but it's a link to make a banner for Fire matches once they come home from the road trip of insanity. No mean anti-Fire suggestions. :)