Trying Not To Write About My FIFA Demolitions

I recently upgraded my laptop so it will run at speed not seen since, oh, 1993 instead of 1988 and my first purchase was FIFA '06 (even though FIFA World Cup '06 just came out). I've been attempting to play it very unsuccefully in the past few days so footcer has been at the forefront of my mind. That and I've been debating with a bunch of haters on myspace.com which is getting me riled up to write about. In the last three days, here are the results:

APRIL 25

I've been looking at the final run-in for the Premiership, I'm thinking that Fulham will win their last three matches just to piss off all the supporters. If they do this, their 51 points will probably get them to 12th, one spot higher than last year with seven more points.

They only have to win one of the last three (or draw two of them) to finish with more points than last season.

So if that's all the case, why does this season for Fulham seem like such a defeat?

And another interesting fact. Despite how much crap the defense has been this year, Fulham's final goal differential won't be more than about -5 worse. And if they don't concede more than five goals, they've actually conceeded less.

Frankly I blame Villarreal who have the same payroll and same size stadium and yet they're in the semi-finals of the Champions League.

APRIL 24

The biggest story of the day was, of course, the PFA Crap Awards.

I think I probably ranted about these last year but basically each year they're a way for players to reward their fellow players who play on Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, and Manchester United. This year, however, there were actually two players who were not on big four teams who made the list - one from Wigan and one from Newcastle United.

My jaw absolutely hit the floor.

Anyway, here's the list - though I'm sure anyone who cares has already seen it:

G Shay Given (Newcastle)

D Pascal Chimbonda (Wigan)
D John Terry (Chelsea)
D Jamie Carragher (Liverpool)
D William Gallas (Chelsea)

M Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United)
M Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
M Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
M Joe Cole (Chelsea)

F Thierry Henry (Arsenal)
F Wayne Rooney (Man Utd)


And here's how it should be: G Edwin Van der Sar (Manchester United) - Given sees more shots but EVS sees a lot more than most and still stops more than most; D Pascal Chimbona (Wigan) - Can't disagree; D Daniel Gabbidon (West Ham) - A pass eating machine; D John Terry (Chelsea) - He is one of the best defenders on the planet by leaps and bounds; D Asier Del Horno (Chelsea) - More important to Chelsea offensively and defensively that Gallas; M Frank Lampard (Chelsea) - Well, they got one right; M Kevin Nolan (Bolton) - Way to miss the second best midfielder in England this season, asshats; M Henri Camara (Wigan) - Pretty much the entire reason Wigan is in the upper half of the standings; M Jermaine Pennant (Birmingham) - His current team sucks, but another team will be very lucky to have him next year; F - Thierry Henry - I'm not just being confrontational, after all; F - Wayne Rooney - I think all the PFA pays attention to is forwards.

So, in short any team without Nolan and Camara in the midfield is a crap team that doesn't deserve consideration as the best starting XI.

APRIL 21

The rest of the day was spent arguing on the sports forums on myspace.com about the comparative merits of footcer and football.

Being that it's myspace.com, by the end of the day the conversation had degenerated into which sport had more "dick biting." Yeah, it's high discourse. Though I did get some plaudits from a Brit via message for this bit of prose I wrote:

FOOTBALL FAN: Soccer, or "Football", is boring to me. Sure it is fast paced and not that many timeouts but from what I see a majority of the time the ball just goes back and forth to both sides of the field before one team can finally get a scoring oppurtunity coordinated and that isn't that often. I don't know much about it because it is boring to me and I don't choose to watch it.

FOOTCER FAN (ME): Not that many time outs? Dude, there aren't any time outs in soccer/football. The rule doesn't even exist. There also is not subbing in/subbing out. Once a player gets subbed, like in baseball, they can't come back in and in most leagues only three substitutions are allowed in the full 90 minutes.

And it's not just about the scoring opportunities, it's also about the action that happens trying to get possession. Players crashing into each other as they both attempt to gain possession of a ball midair. A player sliding along the grass trying to hit the ball out of the offensive player's stride. A perfect cross field pass to open up another player on the opposite side of the field.

See the funny thing is that you find American football so much more compelling when less time is spent in the scoring areas and in midfield in that sport than in football/soccer. That's what I love about the "soccer is boring, American football is exciting" argument. It's truly idiotic if one breaks it down. American football looks higher scoring because touchdowns are worth seven but most games seriously end up 4-2 and show up as 28-17 on the score sheet and whatnot.

But you know, it's what we grew up with here so it's what we understand. So who can blame you for thinking it's actually more exciting when on most criteria cited for American football and against football/soccer it's far, far less exciting.

I really have more of a life than to sit on the forums for as long as I did today. Or at least I usually don't have that much free time. And the whole thing is, I don't even hate football - though it is my least favorite of the United States' big four by a wide gap. I just hate the fact that it's a sport barely played with the foot and yet other Americans insist of the fact that it's "real" football.

But that's a rant I've posted on here quite a few times.

---

Finally, I'm on the verge of winning the Chicago Fire fans group on Yahoo's fantasy footcer but I don't want to jinx it by going into the specifics (my lead is very precarious) but I'll be sure to write about that should I win. :)